Oh La La

It got SO much better!

2006-07-05T08:38:59Z

So this night.....we had even MORE access. No costumes... instead we turned on the blow up obstacle course ( see below ) we also got to turn on and use this jump thing ( see below ) we did so many flips and crazy crap in the air it was amazing! A couple of drunk neihbors of the park showed up and we thought they were gunna call the cops but then we realized they were drunk and all they wanted to do was join in...so they did haha it was awesome. Oh my gosh so many things were SO close to going wrong but we all made it through it was the last night and it was AMMAAZZINNGG!

oh and we found a wheelchair. haha

these nights have been good

2006-07-02T18:28:40Z

So my brother got a job from church working a grave yard security shift...yea.. such a bad idea. we have access to a golf cart. which we already broke because max ran garrett over and he flew threw the windshield and it was amazing... we also had fireworks.. so so bad i mean HUGE illegal fireworks. Played the best hide and go seek of my life because the seeker was on the golf cart. Oh and its security for this like play 4th of july thing that my church puts on.. yeah...we had free range of all the costumes. I was a monkey...

Oh and it was Max's birthday soo me and chris made him a little something special...

oh my

2006-06-05T09:47:28Z

its those hours of the morning/night when im awake and begin to start feeling blue again. I miss my friends...They arent even gone really but I wish they were all with me right now. Cause then we could laugh and poke fun and drink root beer? I actually bought root beer for the first time. I dont often drink rootbeer but I saw it and was like woa I gotta have this! And now everytime I drink it I am severley satisfied with its refreshing taste and smoothness. good times. I actually havnt felt depressed in a while this is good news. I was getting really sick of having real high highs and real low lows. now its just mostly happy and im only sad when i truly need to be. I went swimming tonight! Finally! It was amazing and the most amazing part was that my self confidence wasnt as low as i thought it would be in my bathing suit. I actually felt....attractive..woa strange thought. I didnt feel fat..i did feel pale but ive accepted my paleness. I was nervous about my hair being slicked back..ive almost forgotten what i look like without bangs. oh bangs how i love thee.
Im glad ive revived this journal its nice to type my thoughts out it reminds me of highschool and I put this old Thursday song on my myspace page and everytime i hear it i am 16 again because i listened to that white album i swear everyday when i was 16 and it just brings back a lot of good feelings and bad ones of that stupid boy who broke my 16 year old heart who i still think about but not in a missing fashion in a ill punch you in the face fashion. haha. Ive only gotten my heart broken once and it was by that kid and oh my gosh he broke it bad. i think what broke it the most is that he could care less and even today still cares less. i mean so do i but thats what really hurt now that I think of it. Anyway new subject. I started another livejournal.. Im not going to add any friends on it though or give out the name.
Tomorrow i have to pack up my entire room and move out of this fantastic house where i got treated better that i deserved and that saddens me but i really miss downtown antioch and warm summer nights sitting like 5ft away from the train track on the edge of the wall and watching the trains fly by and covering my ears from the screaming and then trying to find our smashed coins in the dark but usually never finding them and even when we do we're over it in about 2 minutes if not less.
I had this wierd thought today while driving i wondered what it would be like if i were totally coked out and pretty much homeless and i just slept around with all these dudes and then i was known as the coked out lady who sleeps with anyone and then some kid could visit whatever town im in and go home and tell a story about how in this town he went to there was this really coked out lady who was known for sleeping around and she didnt even care it was just the way she lived her life and i got to meet her and she was crazy. haha my mind is insane ive got such a wild imagination,
But I think what it really is, is that I just want people to remember me. I want people to go back home with fond memories of me and tell friends about me and a happy feeling i gave them. I want to leave something behind like a t-shirt or a note and when they find it they smile cause its me and it smells like me and reminds them of me and that makes them happy. I want people to feel that way for me, That just might only be in the movies though but I dont think so cause I know I often feel that for others. im such a sucker for movies. I always try and make my life like a movie. like oh if I do this itll be so like a movie if they react this way. So i do my part the only problem is people dont usually react the way i want them too because we're not in a movie ha.

uh

2006-06-03T07:55:42Z

i put on russian dance music..took off my pants and created this

i have no idea what it means

just to look back on...

2005-09-03T21:49:22Z

I just realized something about my self. At the age of 19 I help feed and educate a little girl in haiti, donate money every month to environmental California, work for free at kids camp for abused and neglected children, donated money to the hurricane, and donate money to my works emergency fund for any employee that needs help. Im not boasting, just proud that my parents raised me to want to help others and thankful that ive been blessed with the supplies to do so. I hope I stay like this for the rest of my life.

wasted_feelings @ 2005-06-07T16:05:00

2005-06-07T23:07:22Z

I hung out with a very beautiful person yesterday...it was torture. I hate when I meet people who make it so that i can feel my blood running through my entire body and I cant do a single thing about it because its as if they are put in a glass case that says " please do not touch or you will get your ass kicked " *sigh*

wasted_feelings @ 2005-04-25T21:58:00

2005-04-26T04:55:48Z

josh is cheating on me.

wasted_feelings @ 2005-03-26T22:54:00

2005-03-27T07:03:15Z

I must seem like a grouch to most people because I only write when I am upset. Eh whatev. Its been a day full of tears i'm not sure why I just keep crying. I was thinking today about everything...i dont think my mom has ever really been my mother shes just been the person who gives me rules and a religious leader. Never a mother. I cant cry on her shoulder I cant share my feelings with her I cant show any emotion to her. Our family is so emotionless no one shows any emotion to eachother its like stay out of my business UNLESS you did something wrong then youre in trouble and we'll be all up in your business. Man I sound soo EMO. what a loser. I can hear my dad snoring, i hate snoring. i REALLY hate snoring.
I'm in a new band called The Barrow Parker Rush we should be playing a showat the wallace arms soon downtown i really want everyone to show up so i dont feel like a loser. Josh is pushing my buttons a lot latley. Sometimes he is SO great other times its like i could murder him. isnt that life though.
OH MY GOSH. I have the fattest thieghs in the world I am going to become a thiegh exerciser freak starting tomorrow. Look for me riding my bike all over town haha. Helmets suck but I guess they help protect your life so thats cool...
I watched Lost in Translation today ugh..so good i laughed i cried i googled. everything. I think I am going to watch Coffee and Ciggarettes right now in my bed on my computer. Macs rule screw PC. haha this entry is so lame.
<3

wasted_feelings @ 2005-03-10T01:59:00

2005-03-10T10:01:15Z

Wow I have not written in this thing for um ever it seems. I dont have much to say other than i am annoyed with a couple people. But its hard to avoid not being angry when you have to live with the people from Antioch. I saw Audrey Sessions tonight they were really impressive. I feel crappy.

wasted_feelings @ 2004-10-31T13:12:00

2004-10-31T21:15:10Z

This is possibly the dumbest picture i have ever seen in my life. Where did I find it. In the NRA magazine that my dad subscribes too. Now we have a bunch of gun loving morons voting for Bush. What is the point in hunting?? How is going out and just shooting animals like deer, rabbits, birds and other wildlife a sport? How is it considered a good thing and fun?? I dont even get it!! And now I have my stupid brother telling me I am dumb for feeling that way. WE ALREADY HAVE GROCERY STORES WITH FOOD IN THEM YOU DONT NEED TO BUY A STUPID GUN AND KILL DEFENSELESS ANIMALS AND THEN LEAVE THE GUNS ON YOUR CLOSET WHERE YOUR KID CAN FIND THEM AND SHOOT THEMSELVES IN THIER HEAD!

Bet you wouldnt believe...

2004-10-24T01:28:15Z

wasted_feelings @ 2004-09-30T16:25:00

2004-09-30T23:25:41Z

Life sucks. And I feel crappy.

Urgent: Don't Let the Assault Weapons Ban Expire

2004-09-10T16:55:27Z

Dear friend,

The national ban on military-style assault weapons will expire on Monday, September 13th, unless President Bush and Congress act now. President Bush promised to renew the ban, but instead he's letting it expire -- he has refused to call on Congress to deliver it for his signature.

For 10 years the assault weapons ban has taken the deadliest weapons off our streets, cutting their use in crimes 66 percent. But beginning Tuesday the 14th, an 18-year-old will once again be able to buy an AK-47 assault rifle in most states.

We can stop this if we speak up now. President Bush and Congress must renew the assault weapons ban, not let it expire. Please join me in demanding it, at:

http://www.moveon.org/savetheban/

Habillement

2004-04-28T02:09:08Z

La pluie tombera, et ainsi la volonté I que les usines mourront, et ainsi volonté je j'ai un ans avec la terre, nous suis le même je suis une partie de la nature qui est rejetée par la société je ne sais pas ce qui ce des moyens

Friends only from now on.

I cant wait I just cant wait.

2004-02-09T22:17:07Z

..until Valentines day! Ugh i am excited..well besides that Josh is suggesting beni-hanna's for din din. I rather not go there for valentines day..how un-romantic of a place to go. I want to drive into San Francisco and get all dressed up in my un-worn polka dot dress and do my hair in curls and put on red lipstick and dark eye shadow and feel hott! If i dressed like that and went to Beni-hannas ( i dont think I even spelled it right haha whatev) I would look like a nerd x 200.
I bought him something today for Valentines but I need something else to go with it.. ehh.. buying gifts is such a difficult thing but it feels so good.
It is such a beautiful day out right now! Minus the wind it would be perfect. I just feel so happy right now. Thanks God for the amazing world youve blessed us with.
I had such an amazing weekend! Went to Tahoe with friends and I just want to pee my pants laughing everything I think about what fun we had. We went snowboarding on sat and dang I have gotten so good! I landed every freakin jump besides one and that was my only fall the entire day. I cant wait until I learn rails and boxes and grabs. I would marry my snowboard if I could. We hung out in the casinos on South shore until midnight it was so fun haha there was this live band and Dolorus and Tessa danced and I just laughed at this one really wasted lady with no rythm dancing the whole night and the band that was playing was so adorable I wanted to hug them.
It was funny the Inn we stayed at was not that nice but it had a hot tub and Brian another Briand and Jesse met up with us and the room was meant for only two people and we had seven haha but only 3 slept in it. It was funny though cause there were like 4 people on our balcony being loud and like 3 of us in the hot tub.. if the manager walked out he would have killed us haha whatev it was great.
I cant wait until next weekend.
I <3 Josh he is my best friend.

What do you want with status?

2004-02-05T21:05:53Z

Ugh...
I want to go skateboarding and no one has a skateboard for me to use and that makes me mad.
I have a lot of homework to do and i need to get it done so I come online and I just go straight to livejournal and forget about my homework! This journal is crack for internet nerds.
I swear everytime Ive seen Josh in the past like week 1/2 he has always been in pajamas, messy hair, slippers and hasnt showered. Its like.. everytime I go over there I am dressed, look nice and well put together, he doesnt even try to impress me anymore. Everytime before I see him I want to look my best. Its just such a turn off sometimes.
Maybe i shouldnt even make a deal out of it, i should love him no matter what he looks like i suppose.
My aunt asked me today who he was again cause he met him at my work when she came into eat and she said he is very handsome. And he is handsome. He's tall dark and handsome. I love him but its like atleast try to impress me, make me feel like you actually care when i am around you.
Whatev. I am gunna go hang out with Drew so i am out.
Everything is so annoying today.

Classic.

2004-02-02T19:50:37Z

Your Superhero Persona by couplandesque
Your Name
Superhero Name	Sleep Apnea Woman
Super Power	Ability To Fly
Enemy	Michael Jackson
Mode Of Transportation	Cadillac With Rims
Weapon	Vinyl Records

Created with quill18's MemeGen 2.0!

Sat and Sun my first days of serving. Made $$115 the first night and $$103 the second night. dizzang. I be rich!
Bling Bling.

wasted_feelings @ 2004-01-29T13:17:00

2004-01-29T21:22:26Z

I just washed my car. And I feel good about it. I cant stop staring at it. Even though its a 89 honda accord, i still love it. I pulled the blinds up and opened the window where its parked in eyesight perfectly. I think that makes me lame but whatev.
I like school, I dont like school.
My dog just barfed and I was like GRETA ARE YOU OK?! ( Cause she can understand me ) And then she just does this mini barf and walks away wagging her tail. I wish I could be that happy after I puked.
My english teacher seems tough he wants this amazing brilliant paper out of us, but what about the stupid people in the class who cant produce that?
I actually came online to research for it and here i am updating my journal.
I chilllleeddd with Drew last night and we went to Starbucks where people were ( ugh i hate hanging out there but i did anyway ) But there were cool people there so it wasnt thhhaatt bad.
Drew was upbeat last night it was so silly. He walked around like doing this bounce shoulder thing i swear he looked like that bird in Alice in Wonderland I almost peed my pants.
For my art class I want to learn how to silk screen. Make a t-shirt. I will wear it everyday.

wasted_feelings @ 2004-01-25T16:00:00

2004-01-26T00:05:08Z

Last night in the middle of watching Legally Blonde 2 ( yes I rented it shutup ) I get this phone call from Stephanie and she is like " THERES A GIANT SHARK IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD ON GENTRYTOWN AND ME AND BEN ARE GUNNA GO DRIVE BY IT!!" So I am like " WELL PICK ME UP!!!!" So we went and saw it and took ugly pictures. It was so sick I almost puke while I was laughing. Some nice Camero ran it over suckers. It was HUGE I mean like atleast 5 ft long. All that was left was its head and the skeleton but it was so sick.
Before that best moment of my life. I went to gottschalks cause my mom and sister dragged me but I saw julie and she gave me free pink lipstick that smells good. And I got a super cool sweater for 10 dollas Hoody-Hoo!
Josh always laughs at me >:/ But I like it. And I like him.
I serve next week on sat and sun during dinna hours so everyone come in and eat at Red Lobsta! And tip me fat!
<3<3<3

Bush is a puppet, a stupid puppet.

2004-01-22T03:10:41Z

This semester is going to be hard. A lot of papers, but a lot of art work which will be fun but there will be A LOT.
Art5LS-Art history
English21
Intro to Photoshop
Intro to Illustrator
Graphic Design
Advances Graphic Design

I want to major in Art for sure. And maybe become an art teacher. I mean I would love to teach senior classes in highschool and just encourage those kids that they can do so much more and just treat them like a human-being unlike so many teachers do.

I want to go to S.Cali.

First weekend of Feb. Off to the snow for three straight days of snowboarding!!!! I hope there is snowboarding in heavan.

I have to do a lot of reading tonight and I really need to clean my room.

I am getting my hair cut on Monday. At 2:30. Cut and dyed. I am gunna go daarrrkkkkk.

I have the worlds best boyfriend.

I like Tyler

2004-01-19T00:33:58Z

I am sick of the "emo" scene. Not that I was ever really a big fan of it or that I was ever a huge part of it. But I like the music. And I understand it. The only times I ever write music is when I am sad, (which hasnt been latley) maybe thats what those artist do. Or they just know sad stuff sells.
I wish that no one had titles. I listen to indie, ska, punk, mellow, hardcore, reggea, rap when I feel black.
Its stupid to be sad and do drugs and get drunk. We should just be happy and heart life. And smile. And be patient.
I like being nice to people.No ones nice anymore.
Whens the last time you met someone real nice?
I just made some tea.. well I tried, but by the time I remembered it all of the water had evaporated.. and now I cant have tea.

I dont wanna go!

2004-01-16T21:12:49Z

Wednesday : Wake up at 5AM go snowboarding
Thursday: Wake up at 7AM go to school
Friday: Wake up at 8AM go to work.
Whatever happened to that thing called sleep?

This el sucko's

I am scared about school, but happy, and nervous, and worried, but ok.

I am so tired. Time for a nap.

wasted_feelings @ 2004-01-10T23:27:00

2004-01-11T07:33:24Z

Tonight at work is was busy like whoa!
I train to become a server next week! Its bout time. Thanks God =D
So i sit this table of three boys and a girl around my age. The girl is so adorable and the boys are cute. They were all so nice! And she was telling me how they are going bowling and I told her how I sucked at bowling that my high score is 44 and she said "Wow you do suck" haha.
On thier way out she invited me to meet them in brentwood at the Harvest bowling place or something. I said I would try. I would love to cause I mean this is the only chance I have to ever see these cute people again! But oh well. She was so cute and she liked me hair.
I was going to try to make it to S. Cali this mon-wed but not anymore now that they are training me, kind of a bummer =(
School starts on thursday I am excited to take all of my graphic design classes.
Sometimes I go to church and I talk to my family and I start to feel like I should break up with Josh, that I shouldnt be dating him, but then I hang out with him and I think I dont want him out of my life just yet, I love him to much and he makes me so happy .
Its such a battle, why is someone so wonderful wrong?
I hope school goes well and I hope I am a good server.
And I hope you have a nice day =D

Ive got a peaceful feeling

2004-01-10T05:30:57Z

1 John 4:19
We love because he first loved us.

Psalm 3:5
I lie down and sleep; I wake again, because the lord sustains me.

John 3:16-18
For God so loved the world that he sent his one and only son that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his son into the world to condemn the world but to save the world trhough him. Whoever beleives in him is not condemned but who ever does not believe stands condemned already because he has not believed in the name of God's one and only son.

me me me

2004-01-09T20:06:33Z